Scene. A large room, painted white. White desk, white curtains, grey couch. A plant on the desk. Generic and green. A smell in the air of Cotton Febreeze and laundry that is clean. Big windows that gaze at a city in distress: filled with bad taste, chaos and waste. Luckily enough it’s a sunny day and everybody knows sunny days make everything better. If you expected me to keep on rhyming, well, you were wrong.
Behind that big, white, shiny desk sat a woman. Upright, cross-legged, stiff everywhere but loose in the hands. She is waiting for her next patient to come and spill the beans. Another individual that had it bad in his teens. She wonders what kind of abuse has this poor soul endured. Was he raped, beaten, or maybe severely insecure? Uuuuh, maybe he’s a repressed gay man that’s been living a lie! She’ll listen to him and then help change his life! She smiled, giddy as a child at the thought of maybe, actually fixing someone, a he or a she. Yes, a naive child, indeed.
A knock at the door. The damaged one is here. “Oh, come in, you poor darling! I’ll make your pain disappear!” She thought that, but she, of course didn’t say it. How inappropriate and awkward would it be?! (No, seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10? 1 being cringe-worthy and 10 being bat shit crazy?) Control yourself, lady! That’s why you got into psychology! Breathe in, breathe out!
(The man enters, head down, shy and polite. He looks positively troubled, disturbed and fucked up. He’s biting his nails, his eyes look like shit and I’m not even gonna talk about the circles underneath!)
The troubled young man: Uhm, hi! I mean, hello, doctor... uhm...
The eager young psychologist (goes in for a repressed hug/awkward handshake type of thing): Amy! Just call me Amy. I mean, doctor Amy. And you must be Chris.
The troubled young man (visibly nervous): Yes, yes I am.
Amy: Please, sit down, Chris.
Chris (he wipes the beads of sweat running off his forehead and sits clumsily): Thank you.
Amy: Tell me, Chris, why are you here? What’s been bothering you?
Chris (with growing despair): Well, you see, I’ve been hiding this thing, this... terrible thing for half of my adult life. I... I seemed to be fine with it but lately it’s just been so much more difficult. I mean I can’t sleep, I can’t work, I can barely eat! Everywhere I go, with every person I meet I have to face this... this demon that keeps tormenting me! I can’t escape it, doctor! (starts weeping loudly)
Chris (swallowing his tears): Amy...?
Amy: Or doctor Amy. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Please go on.
Chris: I’ve been keeping this secret for so long... I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. It’s too hard.
Amy: Chris, you are in a safe environment. You will not be judged here. You have to tell me your secret in order for me to help. Otherwise, there’s nothing I can do. Plus, you’ve already been charged for this session, so get in there, get your money’s worth! ( chuckles then gets embarrassed)
Chris (trying to gather up the courage): I... I have... Whuuuuu... Aaaaa... (losing it) I can’t, I just can’t. I wanna say it but then I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m choking and I’m seeing spots and whoooooooo...
Amy: Ok, Chris, take it easy. Breathe in (does it), breathe out (does it). You don’t have to say it. But you do need to, and what’s more important, you want to! Right? That’s why you came here. Now...start by saying it in your mind over and over again. Ok? Just... say it to yourself.
Chris (slowly nodding and trying to convince himself): Ok, I can do that. I can do that. I can do that! I can do that.
Amy (impatient): Then do it! (softening) Go on, slowly but surely.
(Chris begins saying the phrase in his head. It is visible that he is struggling but the more he does it, the easier it becomes. When he reaches a comfortable state Amy intervenes.)
Amy: Great job, Chris. Don’t stop, keep saying it in your head and when you’re ready start whispering it to yourself. Alright? (he nods). Let’s try it.
(Chris goes slowly and fearfully from no voice to the faintest whisper.)
Amy: And now, you keep at it and everytime I touch your arm, like so (demonstrates with a simple, gentle tap on his arm) you will go up a level. Slowly increasing, ok? Nothing to it, you can do this.
(Chris breathes methodically and nods his head. Things go as planned and slowly we start to make out what he might be saying. Amy is growing more and more excited, she tries to hide it but curiosity is eating at her like a mouse at a big chunk of smelly cheese. She is also breathing methodically in an attempt to contain her emotions and not scare the mouse back into head voice mode. At this point in time, she taps his arm and starts to make out some words.)
Chris: I... have... never...
(Amy listening intently, taps his arm again.)
Chris: I have never had salad.
(Amy’s face drops in disbelief and confusion. That can’t be it. She taps again.)
Chris (louder): I have never had salad.
(Amy could not believe her ears. In a frenzy she started tapping Chris’s arm over and over again, his voice was getting louder and stronger. She tapped madly, he yelled freely: I HAVE NEVER HAD SALAD!!!! They both stopped. They were sitting there, exhausted. Him, relieved and almost victorious. Her, stuck and almost immovable. Her eyes were moving left to right like crazy and then words started bursting out of her mouth like water from a fountain.)
Amy: Salad? You’ve never had SALAD? That was it?! The big secret?! The great, dark demon that torments you at night?! The thing that’s stopping you from being at peace with yourself?! Are you fucking kidding me? Is this a joke? (he has no time to respond, she is really going for the jugular here). I have dedicated all my years, all that energy, all the hopes of uncovering extraordinary past traumas!!! For what?! For this?! For someone who has never had salad?! ( laughs a maniacal laugh, like you see in the movies) I mean, my God, that’s ridiculous! At least tell me you’re gay! Please!!! You have to be gay! I mean look at you! You’re like a hungover Prince Charming! You look neat, you smell like fresh raspberries and your hair is simply surreal!!
Please, God let him be gay!
Chris: I... I’m not...
Amy (not missing a beat): How does that even HAPPEN? HUH? HOOOOW?! How the fuck do you go through life and never stumble upon a salad?! I mean, they’re everywhere, God damn it! Oh my God, I am hyperventilating, I can’t stop, I’m freaking out.
Chris (baffled and confused): Doctor Amy?
Amy: I just... I mean what kind of person has never had salad before? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that! (can’t catch her breath)
Chris: Are you ok?
(Amy nods a desperate “no” while breathing heavily.)
Chris: Take it easy. Just sloooow it down. One breath iiiiiiin, one breath ouuut. Nice and steady. In and out.
Amy (calmer): I’m so sorry, I’m sure there are extraordinary circumstances that lead to this... uhm... situation. That was so unprofessional! I’m so ashamed! I... I have to explain myself. You see, I was so ready to help you. But I was ready to help with issues that I knew how to... well, handle. And then you sprung this on me... and I didn’t know how to help and I... I rrreally need to help. That’s what I do! Otherwise I feel useless. You made me feel useless. Well, no, not you! Just your... situation. I’m making it worse, aren’t I?
Chris: No, weirdly enough you’ve made it better. Finally someone else freaked out over something that I’ve been freaking out about forever! I felt... oddly understood.
Amy: Hmm, did not expect that. I mean, yeah, I know! I intended to do that! That was totally planned. It’s a new method, it’s called “Man In The Mirror”.
Chris: Man in the mirror? Like the Michael Jackson song?
Amy: Yup, mhm, inspired by the man himself. Too late to help him, though. He was long dead when we came up with this! (nervous laughter) I’m sorry, I say inappropriate things when I’m nervous.
Chris (smiles): I wish I could do that.
Amy: So, what happened? How did you manage to avoid salads for half of your life?
Chris: Well, you know, classic “mom dies choking on a salad leaf, boy never eats salad” story.
Amy: Oh my God, really?!
Chris: No, not really. At least I would have had a real “reason” if that were true. Truth is I didn’t eat salads when I was a kid because I found them gross, I guess. Just the way they looked! Everything thrown into a bowl and mixed together so randomly. And then as time went by, the pressure grew, that pressure that I had to taste one! And then I saw how people judge other people that don’t like or don’t eat salad! It terrified me! I got more and more afraid to find out. I much-preferred the coward approach. So, I kept stalling... But I’ve just reached a point where I’ve lied to everyone I’ve ever met! It’s too much
Amy (enthusiastic, figuring things out as she goes): Oh my God, I totally know what’s wrong with you! I mean, not that anything is actually wrong with you! You’re just afraid. When you were a child you were afraid of independence, of the chaos that awaited for you in the real world! You must have been a really insightful child! You correlated the uncertainty and the chaotic aspects of life with...well, salads. But what you did not realize is that you make your own salad, Chris. You choose what goes in there. You are the master of your own salad. It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious, tough to be fair, not this anxious.
Chris: What if I put the wrong things in there? What if they don’t work well together? What then?
Amy: Those are just mistakes you have to make, they’re chances you take. If they work, great! If they don’t, now you know what to discard and next time you make a better salad. I hate cucumbers in my salad! How did I find out? I put cucumbers in my salad! Then I knew I did not want them there ever again!
Chris: That makes sense.
Chris: As for people judging you based on your salad preference, you need to let that go. I’m sure they judge you plenty for all the other things. Kidding! People are assholes and they will judge you for the weirdest “reasons”. You have to stop depending on what others think of you. Allow yourself to be free and experience life! Stop hiding behind a salad, Chris. It’s not very effective. Plus, you’re too pretty to be this afraid.
Chris (blushing): Wow, that’s a lot to take in… You’re pretty rough! And sneaky too!
Amy: Hey, I could have dragged this for another 3 sessions but I think it’s in your best interest to spend that money on salads.
Chris: Haha. You’re funny too!
Amy: You pay for the full package. Are you not entertained?
Chris (coy): Oh, I am.
Amy: So, I know you’ve never had a salad but have you ever had your salad tossed?
(They went back to Doctor Amy’s place - she insisted to be called Doctor Amy for this part - and she made him his first salad. And it was this one right here. I shit you not.)
Disclaimer: There are no precise measurements for this one, so go crazy boys and girls! Your life in a bowl! Go ahead, mix it up, have some fun, make some fucking mistakes and learn how to get over them. Life lessons from a salad. This is what my life has come to.
Step 1: Make the vinaigrette by mixing together the olive oil (aprox. 1/4 of a cup), the mustard, the balsamic vinegar or the lemon juice (1 tbsp), le moutard aka the mustard (Dijon, cause we're a bunch of snobs), the salt and pepper. Needless to say you adjust this to your needs. Have you learned nothing from that long ass story? Oh, also, I only used a third of that vinaigrette for that amount of salad bush. Yes, I call that a salad bush. How very naughty, I know.
Step 2: Dress the salad bush a bit. Not too much. Think erotica not straight up porn.
Step 3: Make it rain with micro-herbs. Bitches loooove micro-herbs. I know I just called myself a bitch. It's self awareness week. Unagi, I am always aware ;)
Also, if you're wondering what the fuck are micro-herbs and why you need them in your life, listen up. They are very tiny herbs. You don't need them, they just look purty and make you feel better about yourself.
Step 4: Bring on the cheese, the figs, the blackberries. Top with pecans (I keep mine in honey, cause it makes me feel precious).
Step 5: You know what to do. Toss that salad, baby. Ain't nobody watching you (read this in Barry White's voice). You're welcome.
Amy: So, what do you think?
Chris(thinking about it): I'm thinking about it...
Amy: Well, think faster, I wanna know!
Chris: I loved it. If all salads are like this, I'm in! I mean, sweet, salty, tangy, soft, crunchy! Man, that was a sweet ride!
Amy(pleased with herself): I knew you were a salad man.
("Barry White - Can't get enough of your love, baby" playing in the background).
And then they tossed the salad and it was gooood (yes, with plenty of ooooo-s).
This week flew by fast and painfully. My kind of week. I caught a cold, people! A real one this time, not just a tease. Boy, was I happy! I am always looking forward for more obstacles to come my way and slow me down and piss me off! On top of that, I hurt my hand. It started like a small pain in the morning, next thing I know I can't even chop a damn onion because of the damn pain! Worst thing is I have no idea why it hurt or what I did to cause that. No hand stuff, promise! Well, not with my left one, anyway. I managed to stay balanced and pretty happy in the food department, but I had to postpone yoga (because of the wrist) and running (because of the cold).
Monday. Baked eggs in avocados with bacon and salsa.
Snack: one clementine. If you don't know what they are, you have lived in vain. No, I don't have a picture. Google it.
Lunch was the last of the Minestrone soup that was such a life saver and that I have mentioned a LOT!
Snack: Clementine time! They are strong on the vitamin C, you guys. I need loads of that shit!
Dinner was stuffed aubergine and couscous. Lots of veggies in this one and really tasty!
Snack: You know what happened. Come on, there's no point in spelling it out! I'm having a clementine love affair! I'm turning orange, oh nooooo!
The ultimate snack/dessert/post dinner treat/pre-sleep meal : the last piece of the cheesecake. I ate it without the crust. I hate those nuts man. I'm going back to black. Black is evil. Biscuits are evil. See what I did there? Huh? Huuuuh?!
Also, I <3 Jamie Foxx. He is so goddam talented, I can't handle it! Hot sauce in my bag, swag!!! Those lyrics were written for him! I'll have it no other way!
Tuesday. Morning. Ish. Let's call this brunch. I experimented with flour-less pancakes. Eggs, bananas, ricotta cheese, almond meal, vanilla, honey and bicarbonate of soda. A dollop of yogurt, a bit of sour cherry homemade preserve and a bit of passion fruit at the end. Look , they're tasty, really. Thing is I can't help but feel disappointed. They look like pancakes, they almost act like pancakes but they are not pancakes. It's like...La Usurpadoraaaaa! :O If the theme song doesn't automatically start singing in your head then you an I have had very different childhoods. I choose to not feel ashamed of my obscure references from the fascinating world of Mexican telenovelas, so yooooou can suck it!
They were kinda fluffy, more moist than a normal pancake would be, a lot harder to handle when flipping your shit than a regular flour pancake. I am, of course, talking about the "pancakes" and not the telenovelas.The thing is like this: I do not eat pancakes every day, so when I do eat pancakes I want them to be real fucking pancakes. I will try wholemeal flour next time, but that's the last compromise I am willing to make. That, and substituting sugar with honey. Because honey rocks. Signed, Bear.
Lunch was leftover stuffed aubergine and cous cous with the addition of an egg.
Dinner was chicken and noodle hope-it-cures-everything soup.
Wednesday. I planned on having an omelette du fromage, but I only had one egg left, so I went for the next best thing: Semolina and milk "pudding" with orange slices and some sour cherry magic on top. Cause I felt miserable and I wanted a hug in a bowl with cherries on top! Hug me, foood, HUG MEEEE!
Lunch was soup.
Other lunch was wholemeal and rye bread (homemade and delicious!), aubergine spread, ham, cheese and salad.
Dinner. Chicken, cream, leeks, parsnip, carrots, asparagus- The White Stew. Yup, that's what I call it. No, your eyes are not deceiving you, that is polenta.
Snack? One bite of Toblerone. No more. Didn't want any. Now, that felt weird.
Thursday. On-the-run-half-sandwich. Oh, the joy of eating on the road! When did that go out of style?!
Snack was a banana.
Lunch was some of that White Stew I was telling you about.
Snack- pear. Lovely pear!
Dinner was soup. Again. Cause nobody is in the mood to cook when they're sick.
Snack? Slice of bread, aubergine thang, tomatoes.
Yeah, I didn't eat too much, I was too busy being sick! Still sick! Always sick! Forever and ever and ever!
Friday I woke up feeling worse. I was actually sicker! Who would have thought?! After the bath and the pills, and the soup and the tea and the ginger honey AND the sleep, I was actually much worse! That's just a slap in the face, really.
Breakfats (it started as a spelling mistake, but now it makes sense) was leftover semolina pudding with stuff on.
And then this happened:
From left to right we have: magnesium, cinnamon tea, coldrex (blueberry edition) and The Gouda in the middle. You might be wondering why The Gouda? Gouda was there because I find coldrex so utterly disgusting that it makes me puke. After every sip, I take a gouda bite to push back the vomit. Also, because Gouda is the female version of a hustler.
Lunch was not one, but 2 bowls of soup. Yeah, I was trying rrreally hard.
Despite my horrible state and the absolutely dreadful irish weather I had a gal meeting with some gals. Social life is something you work for when you're an expat, so I got off my sick ass and went. I drank a lot of tea and ate half of a mediocre, dry and too sweet piece of cake.
Dinner was chicken at Nando's ! My very first time there! These guys really know their chicken! And their mashed potato is a surprise, it doesn't look like much, but then you put it in your mouth and it's so fluffy and buttery! I think they bake their potatoes instead of boiling them, like we, simpletons do.
Lunch. Frittata with loads of veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, pepper, kale) with garlic bread and avocado and tomato guacamole thing. AAAAAH, gaaaarlic breeeaaad! Insert heavy breathing here.
Note: 3 people shared that bread, so don't go assuming things.
Dinner. Salmon, mashed potatoes, veggies and salad.
Late night snack: Bread, butter, cheese. Clementine.
Sunday. Poppadom with cream cheese and porchetta, frittata and radishes.
Then, I made bread, and apple-pear crumble with wholemeal flour, pecan nuts and no sugar.Yes, I used the Oxford comma right there. In yo' face! Booyah!
Note to self: must remember the ginger in the combo, this was surprisingly yummy, a lot more there than meets the eye.
Lunch. Thank God for frittata! You make it once and it keeps on giving!
Dinner was carbonara.
No asking why, please, it's obvious. That stuff is delicious! The one thing we are having in mind is the old portion control. When it comes to pasta, if you go loosy-goosy on the quantity, your ass goes loosy-goosy too. Ain't nobody gonna be happy about that!
Ladies, fellas, this has been my week. Balance is just around the corner, I can almost smell it!
Last Sunday I decided that I'm going to start the week better no matter how bad I feel. And I did feel bad. Why? Because period pains are real pains, people! And they make women be meaner to you once a month, every month!
Sometimes it's the pain, sometimes it's you. Remember that, stop escaping responsibility! Strap on a pair and be a better person! I know you didn't ask for this advice, I gave it to you anyway. You're welcome! For more such wise answers to your daily suffering, send an email at email@example.com and you will receive an answer. Sooner or later. I am pretty busy trying to get my own shit together.
In order to achieve that I made myself plan the week ahead. I creatively called it The Meal Plan and I picked recipes for every meal and then I shopped, to make sticking to the list possible. I also thought about replacing the sugary crap in my house with better snacks, so that I can get some sweetness in my bowl, but have it be the less evil one. I have decided honey is my friend. And yes, I know, what you'll say! Sugar is sugar and it doesn't make a difference, it's all evil. My policy? If it's good enough for the bears it's good enough for me! I'm going on a bear diet! Honey, berries, nuts and fish! Chill, I'm kidding, I'm trying to find balance not start another fad diet. There are plenty of those! That being said, lemme walk through my week.
Monday. Pre-breakfast: greek yogurt, a banana, nuts that I've been keeping in a honey jar and a splash of lime. Exactly one hour and 30 min later I was as hungry as Trump is to sit in the damn presidential chair! Proper breakfast: Baked eggs&feta in a lovely tomato sauce. On my way back from work I ate pistachios on the street, cause I'm a trendsetter. When I reached home base I had a big ass bowl of heart warming minestrone soup. Dinner was baked salmon with sweet peas and mashed veg (potato, carrots, swede). That night I experimented with peanut butter&oats cookies. There were good when fresh outta the oven, but the second day, they turned very bready on me. That got me thinking that I could turn this "failed cookie" recipe into a "successful tiny breads" recipe. I'll keep at it, I'll let the world know if I hit gold.
Tuesday started off with Jamie's blooming breakfast, which I love! Toasted oats, dollop of yogurt, mango, hot syrupy blueberries and half a banana. Lunch was minestrone. I successfully snacked on peanut butter failed cookies and white chocolate, mint&orange zest covered almonds. They don't look at good as they taste, I'll tell you that! One lunch wasn't enough, so I had another one in the form of leftover baked egg and feta with spinach salad and a poppadom. What is a poppadom you ask? Why, it's a magical thing! Papadum is a thin, crisp disc-shaped food typically made from black chickpea gram flour! It's usually deep fried, but thanks to the magic of internet and Mr.Oliver I am microwaving these lil' bitches and I'm loving them! It's like eating a big ass potato crisp! It smells fried even if it isn't, it's crispy and tasty and ready for love!
I also ate half a mango and pistachios. Then for dinner: chicken&squash cacciatore.
Oh, and I made bread. Wholemeal & rye flour, oats,buttermilk, egg and bicarbonate of soda. No proving, no kneading. Stir it, shape it, babe! 40 min in the oven and you have fresh bread! And it's a very tasty bread! Farewell, bought bread! Hello, sexy bread maker!
Wednesday was definitely a good day. It began with eggs and popped beans with ricotta toast. Add pomegranate&lime water to that and we're feeling fancy! It was a great way to start the day, I'll tell you that! Aaaaand it kept me going for a while! Lunch was a ricotta poppadom with salad. Dinner was sushi (does happy dance and drools all over keyboard). I also had a chai latte that was waaaay to sugary for my taste! Must remember to mention that I don't want diabetes in a mug, just the tea for now, thank you!
Thursday was bircher muesli day. Well, not all day, just in the beginning of the day. Then I ate 2 peanut butter oats cookies on my way back from work. I was so surprisingly full, that I just snacked on some white chocolate almonds and parked my ass in bed. I dived into some minestrone at some point, then had a sandwich and a salad for dinner. Why? Because I was making cheesecake! Why? What kind of question is that?!
Theeen me and my boyfriend spend 3 hours project managing my life. Fo' reals. So, naturally, somewhere along the way we got hungry again so we soup-ed. Minestrone again. Hey, it's there, it's easy, you know soup is the answer!
On Friday I repeated Wednesday's breakfast, because I had some leftover popped beans and tomatoes. After work times, which were very short, I come home to find a new mattress on our bed! Yaaay, a chance at a better life! Nooo, I'm not exaggerating, stop judging me, you hardly even know meeeeee!
This was also the day my running shoes arrived. First impression? Man, they're ugly! But, sweet chocolate Jesus, are the comfy! All that padding to correct my faulty walking makes it feel like I'm supported! A lot of cushion for the pushin'! Yes, I know what that means. Do you know what that means? I feel it suits my situation perfectly, so I'm using it here and if your mind wants to wonder around in naughty places, that's all on you, child! Don't be blaming me for your rightfully dirty mind! ;)
Lunch was grilled chicken tenders with zucchinies, peppers& onions that I tossed with garlic olive oil and crumbled feta and parmesan. Yum! We ate that with a big salad with and it was goood! Dinner was the chicken cacciatore thang with poppadom.
See that lil' bit of cheesecake right there? Lemme tell you the story. Girl dreams of cheesecake for months and months. Girl resists temptation until she can't no longer. Girl decided cheesecake is not that bad and she can make a better version by replacing the white dust of the evil man with the golden drip of the gods and the biscuit base with hazelnuts and almond meal/flour. On top she put a mixture of sour cream and whipping cream that she worked on with her hands. For a while, then she got tired and called Mr.Two Speeds to come on over and help. She then added some Bailey's to that creamy thing, to get things nice and smooth and ssexy. Then she grabbed strawberries, she cut them right up and put them in a small pan to sweat their sweet off. All they needed was a tiny drip of water to start that sauna of love and they were on their way! When they were nice and soft and they were dripping hot, red, sticky syrup, I added the raspberries and the blueberries. I mixed them gently, just enough to get them coated in the juice and then it was all done. The green stuff is basil, cause that's how I roll.
Ultimate feedback? The cheesy part was just as good without the sugar. The crust part? I can't deal with the nuts, man. It's just not the same. I'll ponder if the exchange if actually worth it. I'm currently leaning towards "no".
Saturday. The good day! I woke up at 9:30, had toasted oats with yogurt and fruit, grabbed my yoga mat and went to a studio for the first time in forever! This place was recommended to me, was closer by than city center and I was in desperate need for a place, so hopes were high. It was everything I needed it to be. The first time in a long time that I felt at peace! It was hard work, but it came with the feeling that I was up for it, that I could handle it if I just focus and take it step by step. That's why I need yoga, so that I can learn to take that feeling outside the studio, off the yoga mat and into the wild wild world. Monthly pass, here I come!
One of the greatest feelings was getting out that door - body all worked up - and being wrapped up crisp, fresh air! The area is filled with big, tall trees and has a cosy small village feel to it. Man,that's wellness right there! I felt alive, alive I tell ya'!
Then my new found friend, who recommended the place and was also there invited me for tea in the village center. Tea, honey, eggs benedict (too much lemon in the hollandaise sauce, had to be said) and good conversation. What more can one ask for?
I got home at one point, had to edit some pictures and get ready for the movies and dancing. I haven't danced in a while! In the good old days, I danced almost every week. Things have certainly changed a lot since then. In those days I would almost always wear this one pair of shorts. The last time I tried them I think it was autumn time and I thought they made my legs look like short tree trunks, so I decided against wearing them. This time I had another surprise. They were falling off of me! Whaaaat? And they were very loose on my thighs as well! Well, what do you know? The trunks got smaller!
I was running out of time and I didn't expect to have to decide on wearing something else, so instead of changing I took one of my big ass bow shaped broaches and changed the position of one button and prayed to the Buddha it would hold! Cause if they fall it's a full moon in Dublin tonight, boys!
On the way to the movies we had a Subway sandwich, cause it was late, we were hungry and I refuse to eat a ratchet cinema hot dog! Ate sandwich on the street, like an animal!
Dinner was Korean barbecue and sushi! Also, plum wine liquor which I loooove!
Then we danced. I had 2 vodka & cranberry juice and water. And and eye full of drunken, irresponsible, ungraceful homies and bitches. And I say that with all due respect.
Needles to say, Sunday was a wake up whenever the fuck you want" kind of day. I woke up with all the muscle pain in the world! I couldn't even lift my tea mug to my mouth without exhaling in pain! Wtf?! I think I wasn't as ready for the yoga jelly as I seemed! My mind was strong but my body was weak. Now I suffer the consequences.
"Breakfast"? Cheescake. Lunch? Chicken cacciatore with poppadom. Dinner? Kebab with homemade big ass salad. #saynotothefries
Enough talking, I need to post this fast if I wanna have a chance at sticking with a freaking schedule! It's gonna be a bumpy ride next week! Body has no idea I plan to take it on a yoga and running roller-coaster! Hoooray, I finally had a less unhappy week!